A.J. Van Beest pontificates on life, the universe, and everything. Because space is big. I mean really big...

Thursday, September 23, 2004

I have unleashed a hydra

Remember all those monster movies where the giant ______________ (fill in the blank) wades out of the ocean | sea | lagoon | sewer (choose one) and uses its firey breath | bulging, scaly muscles | incredible sense of interior decorating (again, choose one) to create massive devastation on the coast of Japan | Japan | Japan (I dare you!)? I'm kind of like that, except that Tokyo's safe crushed by my massive claws this week. I have created a multiheaded, self-aware blogomonster. It started innocently enough. I thought, hmmmm, I've heard a lot about blogs, so maybe I should make my own. So I did. That was pretty easy. So I made one for the kid. That was easy, too. So I cajoled my wife into making one, too. And a friend, who in turn got her boyfriend to make one (though he almost never posts anything), and one of her friends also started (though he writes even less than the boyfriend), and now one of his friends has (sort of) started a blog, too. This is my gift to the local community: I'm like the jerk that goes to Kenya for a week and comes back with ebola. Except that the gestation period is different. But if you spend too much time with blogs, you can pretty much count on your brains liquifying and running out your nose while your eyes cross and collapse back into your empty skull cavity. I figure being a viral contagion vector is really the least I could do for my community.

In other news...

I've passed the 500 viewers mark on the ol' blog. Too bad I can't pass the bubly as well, eh, old chap?

4 Comments:

Blogger Foreign Object said...

AJ, can we move about in a boat again sometime? It was bliss.

1:27 PM

 
Blogger -- aj van beest said...

all right, ya ninnies, one question at a time:

+ Yeah, sorry 'bout the sorta. I jus' saw the zeros in your stats and figured you were just working on lurking. Then my lovely wife pointed out the fact that you had, indeed, written something. So I read it. And the other somethings, too.

+ Yeah, you need another hobby about as much as you need another band. Which is much like how I need another animal in the house. Which is much like how James needs a... what is it that you need, James?

+ Yes, blissed-out Jimmy, we can move about in a boat again. Soon. If you're a good boy, I make even allow you to row your boat. Gently down the stream. Merilly.

+ Yes, you absolutely may bug me with questions, since this is all my fault.

+ To list important links in the sidebar, you have to cruise through the template code of your blog and look for the sidebar section (it's all the way at the bottom) and modify it with something similar to this: [less-than]a href="http://someones.garbage.com"[greater-than] Click here to go to someones.garbage.com [less-than]/a[greater-than]. Maybe it'd be easiest for me to swing by and show you...

+ I'm not sure why the profile stats don't update. Mine don't either. Makes it such a pain in the ass to show CJ that I'm way more prolific than she is...

+African or European?

2:10 PM

 
Blogger -- aj van beest said...

CJ, I don't know 'bout the javascript bit. I'd do one of two things: google it, or look at the source code of a blog you like and rip it off. Remember, amatuers borrow, professionals steal. And I swear a solem oath to you right now: if my cursor tries to turn into anything other than an arrow or a line while I'm on your blog, I'm going to do something really mean to you. Like book you to play the next Republican picnic I can find.

There is no known cure for stopping blogging.

Scientists the world over have been stymied by this particular phenomena. The only way they've found that are completely reliable to keep a blogger from blogging are to wait until their brains liquify (see above) or to change his or her name to "James" or "Kevin." Other than that, it's a chronic condition. But at the risk of mixing my metaphors with my gin, show me a victim.

2:16 PM

 
Blogger Meagan said...

So, it's almost like we're chatting here...but not. :P

2:20 PM

 

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